Tattered Past

Tattered Past: My ongoing journey through genealogy, history, writing, self-exploration and art. ~~~ Rita Ackerman











Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tuesdays With Rita

Hello All,

Today is a strange day. I'm actually thinking back to the years I wore glasses...such as these in Fifth Grade. I was bullied and even physically hurt at times. I frankly don't imagine the bangs helped any. 

There was one girl in particular...Sandra. She was a little thing which may be why she bullied somebody like me who would never dream of standing up for myself. I remember one day in particular when we were an the turning bars. I had my hands resting on the bar and she was next to me and putting her leg up over the bar. She was stretching her heavy brown shod foot as far as she could so she could squish my fingers. When I said to be careful she told me, in her snotty way, to move my hands. I promptly backed down.

I can picture all this as if it was yesterday. I don't remember if it was that day or another day but I fell off the bar flat on my back. All the wind was knocked out of me. I sat on the edge of the sidewalk and tried to recover while some of the girls tried to get me to go to the teacher on duty. I looked over at her but the fear of saying anything was stronger than the pain in my back and trying to get my breath back. I slowly recovered and made my way to the classroom as the bell rang.

Sandra and another girl named Janet have haunted me all these years. The hurt and sorrow. Being alone and lonely. I was sixteen when I finally got my contacts but for the most part the damage was done.

Why am I dwelling on this? I'm having cataract surgery tomorrow. I had high hopes of not needing contacts or glasses (except reading glasses) again. However, my eyes are such an odd shape, "special" as my surgeon said, that he can't get a replacement lens that will correct my eyesight. I am so disappointed. I will have somewhat better sight (he said I'll be able to find my way to the bathroom at night without glasses) and the cataract will be gone but not what I had hoped for or what I understood would be the outcome.

Still, although I've had my ups and downs I'm trying to turn my attitude around and hope with getting rid of the cataracts (the other eye will be done next week) I will somehow get rid of these negative memories. I feel like putting this photo up on the Internet is a first step. Those glasses were a part of me and contacts will remain a part of me. That's okay. I won't let Sandra and Janet (picture Nellie from Little House on the Prairie) cause me any more pain. As I fight the cataracts and the depression I will shrug them off and fully appreciate all the wonderful people in my life.

What memories are you carrying around? How do you plan on putting them in their place in the back of your mind and replace them with positive thoughts?